never fail to emo :(

2010-09-21T02:52:00.000+08:00

i'm tired but i refuse to admit cause i wna pei you .
i wna pei you cause i miss you .
i miss you cause you aren't by my side right now .
Sigh ,
i'm sorry for attitude-ing you .
i'm just really tired& miss you so much .
Hais ,
i dontknow what else to say ...
i'm sorry .

2010-09-18T04:59:00.000+08:00

i love you, boy .
i won't leave you .
So can you don't leave me ? :')

2010-09-15T14:48:00.002+08:00

I feel so insecure w/o hearing your voice or reading your texts .
Baby, i miss you .
Why cant you see that i only love you ?
Why can't you see that i've let go of the past ?
Why don't you believe me ?
Why don't you trust me ?
I really feel damn hurt now .
Is your love fading for me ?
I know i aint a good girlf ..
But my love for you will never fade .
Why did you say it was drifting ?
I really cant take this blow .
I wanted to talk to you .
I wanted to ask you to wake up and talk to me .
I wanted to ask you if you honestly loved me .
But seeing you so tired breaks my heart ..
I was really looking forward to today ,
but i guess all my hopes of meeting you are smashed .
I cant even meet you tml .
I alrdy can't survive not seeing you for a day or less .
I dontknow how i'm gonna survive this time ..
i dontwanna quarrel like that day ...
my heart hurts alot now ...
i wish you would wake up now ..
i wish you could text me& say, i'm on the way already .
But its impossible .
i know it wont happen .
All i wanted was for you to trust me .
I told you never to doubt me .
You said you won't anymore ..
I'm truly a failure .
I'm always making you cry .
I dontwanna anymore .
I just want you to be happy .
Baby, i miss you soo much , i wish you could see that .
I wish you would ask what nightmare did i have this morning .
You know i dreamt that, cause of one of my ex, you left me ?
I dreamt that, you didn't want to listen to my explanations .
I didn't do anyth, it was the guy all along .
And you didn't believe me or even bother listening to me .
You just threw me aside .
Do you know how scared i am that this will happen ?
I really need you in my life,
Why do you want to leave me ?
I dont understand ...
I dont want this , i dont want anything .
all i want is you .
Why don't you care ?
Sigh,
There're so many times, i was angry .
But i chose to forgive you .
When you took the phone just now,
you didn't even notice i was crying, did you ?
you didn't even ask me why i was crying .
all you did say was, 'wait ah' .
then i held on to the phone for so long ,
believing that you were doing something .
that you will pick up the phone soon and say,
'sorry, i was in the toilet' or something .
but guess what, i turned upp my phone volume .
You fell asleep .
I don't blame you or anything .
I wish i could show you how much my heart hurts right now .
I wish i could show you, how much i miss you .
I wish you could see, how much i need you .
If i continue like this,
No, i won't be broken . I'll be completely destroyed .
You understand, don't you ?
Sigh, i love you boy . Please notice that soon .
Otherwise, i might not be around when you realise that .
Not that i'm leaving you kind of not around .
Its that, i'll die& prove it to you kind of not around .
Hais,
i really hope you wake up soon, i miss you so much

2010-09-13T23:41:00.001+08:00

I miss you so much, can you see that ? :'(

2010-09-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

i miss you so much ...
i feel really sick now ,
i wish you were here to comfort me .
to tell me that i cant be sick .
to tell me that i still have to meet you tml .
But i've already sent you 3 msggs ,
you didn't reply any ...
are you really busy ?
or you just cant be bothered to reply ?
Sigh, i really dont know ..
I wish you would reply me ...
I wanna see your message pop up on my phone .
i wanna see your smiley face .
i wanna see you telling me that you miss me , love me .
Hais ,
i'm always asking for too much .
I'm always making you cry .
I ain't a good girlf .
I guess i'm just this huge failure ,
baby , please don't ignore me ler ..
i miss you so much, can't you see that ? Sigh ,

2010-09-11T04:30:00.001+08:00

I'm trying hard to trust you boy .
Cause i'm becoming reliant on you already .
I already can't the life w/o "US" .
I really trust you, my trust was going stronger .
So why do i feel it all crumbling down now ?
I really can't take the blow .
Please don't lie to me .
I think i'm thinking too much again ,
so why can't i just stop all these tears ?
why cant i just trust your words ?
It was a mistake to show you this blog .
i'm sorry .
i didn't want you to cry .
i dont want you to worry .
i really dont want you to be hurt when you see me post my feelings .
all i want is you to be happy .
so i dont mind being cheated on, lied to or anything , as long as you were happy .
i admit, i'm a slut, boy .
i dont know why i am .
i just am .
I'm not as good as her .
I can never compare up to her .
Shes so good to you .
I wanna treat you better than her, ofcourse .
a hundred times better .
but i'm really afraid .
seeing those posts that shows she still love you after so long ,
really builds up the fear in me .
i dont wanna lose you .
maybe i was with you rashly .
but after spending so long ,
i've honestly fallen for you .
No guy, would have cried just cause i would cook for them before .
No guy, could make me stay awake and watch them dota .
No guy, could make me wanna take the risk, and spend the night with them .
No guy, made me feel so loved .
I've never regretted my choice, baby .
I don't know if you will , but i won't .
I'll never forget our promise .
Never to say breakup unless one is unfaithful to the other .
I really won't .
But i dontknow if i can believe that you wont ..
i really wanna believe you, boy .
but i'm so, so afraid .
would you forgive me ?
Sigh ,
i hope this nasty feelings go away soon ...
i really dont want anything to happen to us .
i love you boy .
dont doubt me please .
i've forgotten the past . i'll never go back .
i hope you've believed me after i threw away the ring outside your house just now .
i miss you :'( .
Sigh ,

2010-09-11T03:54:00.001+08:00

I just want you to be happy.

2010-09-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

You still dont trust me much ...
even after 2 weeks& 2 days .
i've trusted you .
so much .
I can't believe, i let you hurt me and make me cry ytd ,
and even today .
why i cried ?
cause, i felt that , you didn't trust me .
you cant see how much i love you , need you .
Sigh , i hope one day ,
you will notice bah .
i love you .

2010-09-06T00:55:00.000+08:00

End up , it's still my fault aint it ?
I shouldn't care so much for him ..
I just dontwanna you to be lonely and bored when i ain't around ..
I'd rather you hang out w/ calvin or bryan, ppl i know .
cause i dont live near you ..
i dont know who you're friends are .
i dont know what kind of girls are around .
i'm afraid ..
at least, if you were with calvin/bryan ,
i could ask them ...
but i guess i got misunderstood again ..
Sigh,
when can i stop such foolish acts ?
When will you start to believe me ?
Omg, i'm breaking down soon ...
Hais ,
i need you alot now ...
i wish you were here to wipe away my tears ,
just like how you did that day ..
Please don't blame me if i'm being dao ..
i just dontwanna lose you because of a small misunderstanding ..
i miss you ...

2010-09-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

you always want me to send you a second or third text when you didn't reply,
but when i didn't reply, you never send me a second or third text .
and you still think that i was outside :(
i guess its my fault bah, sorry .
i shouldn't have fallen asleep .
i love you <3

2010-09-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

I wish you could care .
I wish you would just ask me how was my hand .
I wish you could ask me why i wasn't sleeping even though i'm going to collapse soon .
I only wanted you to care about me more .
I know you already care about me alot .
But that is not the type or care i'm talking about .
I don't know why i want to torture myself .
I feel as if, i'm not good enough for you .
I always make you sad .
I always make you worry about me .
I only want you to be happy .
I don't want to ever see you cry .
I don't want to make you like this .
But i can't seem to change .
I swear to you, i will try my hardest to change .
I just hope you would guide me through .
I love you baby, don't ever doubt me <3

2010-09-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

She locked herself in the toilet, bleeding .
She got hurt, again .
Never wanting to ever trust guys again, she got up and wiped her tears .
She stared in the mirror, telling herself that she had to be strong .
She could not let anyone know that she was affected .
She did not want anyone to worry for her .
As she hid her hand in her pocket, she walked out of the toilet, smile plastered on her face .
She left her house, with the usual happy goodbye .
Walking to school alone, she had never felt more lonely in her life .
Holding in her tears, she started getting a headache and sat down to rest .
After a few minutes, she got up and continued her journey .
She sees many happy students .
She could feel that they had no sadness to hide .
They were truly happy .
No one knew how she felt .
Weeping sorrowfully in her heart, she hid everything under her good acting and lies .
She stepped into her class, and immediately, her usual group of sisters surrounded her .
"we saw your facebook, what happened?" .
Smiling, she reassured them that everything was fine .
Seeing that so many people cared for her, she felt a little better .
"maybe i can get through this" she thought .
She managed to avoid questions for the rest of the day .
She felt okay in school .
But once she got home, she started feeling the pain all over again .
Soon, she got to know a new guy .
He knew of what happened, and cared for her a lot .
He told her that he loved her .
She didn't dare to trust him, but she felt her feelings growing for him .
Slowly, he entered her heart and she decided to trust love one last time .
He did not rush her to forget the guy who hurt her .
He did not rush her to be together with him .
He gave her time, when she's ready, then he will ask her to be together .
She was afraid, but her heart longed the love that was brutally snatched away .
She longed for someone to hold her, and kiss away her tears .
Will he be able to do it ?
Only time will tell .
Iloveyou baby :')

I wish you could see that i needed you more as every second passes .
I wish you could see that i miss you even more as minutes passes .
I wish you could see the fear that builds up more and more as each day passes .
I wish you could see how much more weeks i wanted us to last as weeks passes .
I wish you could see how much i want us to be together as time move us towards one year .

Baby, i would never leave you ! nor will i ever do things that let you down . I know you can't trust me right now . But i'm trying hard to trust you as well . You will never see this post i think ? But i needed somewhere to post my feelings where you wouldn't see . So you wouldn't worry .
I really wish you could see that when i said that i couldn't see you for 2 days, i wanted you to say that, i'll meet you on saturday/sunday . But you just said, better than never meet mah . It really hurt me alot . I guess asking to meet more often is just too much to ask for ? It's okay then . I won't ask to meet until you say you wanna meet me okay ? I know i'm a useless girlf . I always make you think too much . I always make you emo and end up you blame yourself . I don't give you that sense of security that i won't leave you . I wish you could feel how i feel :( I never want you to leave me . Cause i wont leave you . I wish you were here to wipe away my tears right now . Sigh, but again, i'm asking for to much .

I want you to know what i mean when i say certain things